Because true status wasn’t a Sega vs. Nintendo debate—it was that weird console only you had.
Sure, everyone remembers the NES, the Game Boy, the Super Nintendo.
But what about the others?
The weird ones.
The beautiful disasters.
The game consoles that your friends had never even heard of—but you proudly displayed on your particle board entertainment center next to a stack of “Blaster Master” and Surge cans.
Here’s our definitive ranking of vintage systems by Obscurity Level (and how cool it made you), plus some gloriously weird quirks along the way.
🕹️ 11. Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)
Obscurity Level: 🧃🧃 (common as Capri Sun)
Cool? Always. Obscure? Not even close.
Everyone had one. Everyone blew into the cartridges.
But if your NES still works today? That’s legendary.
Quirks:
- Games had zero save slots unless you had a password pad the size of a tax form
- “Zapper” light gun only worked on CRTs
- Blowing in the cartridge sometimes worked and always felt sacred
🕹️ 10. Sega Genesis
Obscurity Level: 🧃🧃🧃 (mild hipster)
You were Sega cool. Edgier than Mario, faster than Sonic.
You had “Blast Processing,” whatever that meant.
Quirks:
- You could stack a 32X and Sega CD on top and create a plastic skyscraper
- Sounded awesome… unless it was “Altered Beast”
🕹️ 9. Atari 2600
Obscurity Level: 🧃🧃🧃🧃 (retro god)
By the ’90s, having one of these made you either vintage or ancient.
Plugged directly into the TV with a switch box. One button. Eternal respect.
Quirks:
- Wood paneling. Like your grandpa’s station wagon.
- “Combat” was the multiplayer game that ended friendships before Mario Party
🕹️ 8. Sega Master System
Obscurity Level: 🍷🍷🍷🍷 (import kid energy)
You were not like other kids. You played “Alex Kidd” before it was cool (or ever cool).
No one else had one. You liked it that way.
Quirks:
- Built-in game inside the console (if you turned it on without a cartridge)
- The cartridges were weirdly tall and the boxes looked like math textbooks
🕹️ 7. TurboGrafx-16
Obscurity Level: 🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸 (you might be an alien)
This was for the kid whose parents “knew a guy” who got it from Japan.
The games came on credit card-sized chips. It sounded cool. It was cool.
Quirks:
- Could only plug in one controller unless you bought a “TurboTap”
- Had bonkers good arcade ports
- “Bonk’s Adventure” was your Mario, and you stood by him
🕹️ 6. Neo Geo AES
Obscurity Level: 💰💰💰💰💰 (trust fund flex)
This wasn’t a console. This was a statement.
The Neo Geo cost more than your first car. And the cartridges were the size of bricks.
Quirks:
- Literally used the same hardware as the arcade machines
- Controllers looked like fight sticks
- You didn’t rent games—you took out a loan
🕹️ 5. 3DO
Obscurity Level: ❓❓❓❓ (wait, was that real?)
A system designed by a council of tech bros in the ’90s.
Cost over $600 at launch. Almost no one had one.
You still defend it on Reddit.
Quirks:
- Had “full motion video” games that ran at 4 frames per second
- The controller daisy-chained off other controllers. No joke.
- Its name sounds like a printer
🕹️ 4. Virtual Boy
Obscurity Level: 🧠💥 (so obscure it caused migraines)
It was VR… in the ’90s… and in blood red.
You played hunched over a table. For five minutes. Before nausea hit.
Quirks:
- Every game was black and red
- Literally warned you to take breaks to avoid vision loss
- It was discontinued faster than Crystal Pepsi
🕹️ 3. Vectrex
Obscurity Level: 👻👻👻👻👻 (ghost console)
It had a built-in screen and played vector graphics.
Looked like something from NASA.
Your friends didn’t believe it was real until they saw it.
Quirks:
- Used plastic overlays to simulate color
- Sounded like a broken printer
- Every game looked like a math equation—and we loved it
🕹️ 2. Fairchild Channel F
Obscurity Level: 🧬🧬🧬🧬🧬 (prehistoric DNA)
The first console with programmable cartridges. You’re not obscure—you’re ancient gaming royalty.
The joystick looked like it came from a lunar lander.
Quirks:
- Released before the Atari 2600
- Games were labeled “Video Cart-3” like a Soviet experiment
- Owned by approximately 14 people, all in black-and-white photos
🕹️ 1. Apple Pippin
Obscurity Level: 🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌 (cosmic tier hipster)
Yes, Apple made a console. No, nobody bought it.
Launched at $599 in 1996 (which is $1.2 billion adjusted for trauma).
Quirks:
- Tried to be a multimedia hub before that was a thing
- Had like… 18 games
- You didn’t play it. You curated it.
🧠 Final Thoughts
You weren’t just a gamer.
You were a collector, a trailblazer, a weirdo with excellent taste.
And if you owned one of these? You didn’t just play games—you started legends on the playground.
